


Les Miserabbits

by BirdieDell



Category: Les Misérables (2012)
Genre: Emerging love triangle, F/M, Javert is a seven year old girl, M/M, Marius has a faint interest in Cosette, They're all rabbits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-03 10:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11530020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdieDell/pseuds/BirdieDell
Summary: A group of rabbits based on the characters from Les Miserables work for justice and fall in love in their hutch community.





	1. In which Enjolras is annoyed

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work so please be nice! I would appreciate constructive criticism!

Enjolras landed in the grass and rolled halfway onto his furry side, then righted himself quickly and scampered into the shade under the rabbit hutch, his ears pointing straight back in alarm.

“Oh, you brave little thing!” Mademoiselle Javert said, scooping a writhing Enjolras up into her arms. “Trying to get away like that! As if you'd survive the night without getting eaten by a hawk! Oh you brave brave little bunny!” Then she kissed him so heavily on the top of his head that Enjolras was forced to go solidly flat. He could hear Grantaire laughing from behind the feed bowl as Mademoiselle Javert tossed him back into the cage and slammed the wire door shut. Her sticky fingers with nails bitten down to the stubs worked the latch and she skipped away, her father's voice yelling, “Into the car now! Do you want to be late? Where is your bookbag?” A door slammed and a car sped away.

“You idiot!” Enjolras spat. “Push me again like that and you'll see!”

Grantaire laughed again, strutting across the cage to greet his embarrassed friend.

“Oh, come on! A little hutch humor between friends! Have some pellets and enjoy the sun before it goes behind the tree!” 

Enjolras did, but positioned his body away from Grantaire so that he wouldn't have to see his friend's pink eyes glistening with glee. It was the third time that week Grantaire had pushed him out of the cage.

Marius was in the corner, chewing earnestly away at the wood that divided the boys cage from the girls. Eponine hunkered on the other side, observing his hard work and occasionally licking her front paws. They had grown close as litter mates, but now that the farmer had separated them, they could no longer lie on top of each other all afternoon, pretending to count crickets while plotting an escape. Eponine was an ace chewer too, but she would wait until Marius took a break before she took a crack at it. She wasn't sure if she could bear their heads being so close together. Something embarrassed her about even imaginging that, but she couldn't exactly explain why. 

“I heard Mr. Javert say that he bought a couple new rabbits on Craiglist last night,” she whispered to Marius.

“Oh yeah?” grunted Marius. “Not enough of us already?”

“Well,” said Eponine sneakily, her voice lowering, “I heard that they're Lops!”

“Lops!” shrieked Gavroche, who had been eavesdropping from behind the water dish.

Everyone laughed! Who could take that breed seriously? The current group was all Californians, strong and meaty, a hearty breed. They were proud of their white fur, their strong legs, their dignified ears. Lops! What next?


	2. In which Marius and Eponine make plans and Gavroche gets lots of love

The next morning when Mademoiselle Javert came skittering out to the hutches swinging cans of pellets beside her, Enjolras was prepared. He stood well away from the door that would soon swing open and glared at Grantaire who seemed to be getting a laugh just from witnessing Enjolras's efforts to stay in the cage. The door swung open leaving a wide opening and Enjolras considered pushing Grantaire out over the edge of the cage as retaliation for the day before, but the truth was, Enjolras could not be so petty. 

“Who is going to come visit with me today, cute little bunnies wunnies???!!!” cooed young Javert, a trace of egg crusted under her bottom lip. She dumped some pellets into their cage and then seized Gavroche in one quick movement. “How about my little Gavroche-y?”

As the runt of the litter, Gavroche was often chosen for this honor. Perhaps from the crowded conditions while in the womb, one of Gavroche's ears hung at an angle and his mouth didn't fully close. These minor pecularities merely caused little Javert's heart to swell for him even more. She singled him out for some very tight squeezes and numerous trips into the house where Gavroche was placed on towers of pillows, driven about in plastic cars and fed stalks of celery. He always returned feeling very important, if not a little sore.

Javert pinned Gavroche under her arm while she fed the lady rabbits, most of the pellets falling on the ground in the process. Then she skipped away with Gavroche, holding him up in front of her face to view his soft underside and planting several firm kisses there.

Eponine called out to Marius who came quickly to the corner of the cage they had been chewing on. It was dark in that corner and they could talk privately while the others ate.

“I think we'll have a good size hole here by tomorrow,” Eponine began. “Then I can fit through the opening during the day and help work on chewing out another opening on the other side of your cage, close to the tool shed. We can all drop out of that opening and into the main part of the yard where we'll be safe from the dogs while we make our way to the forest!”

Eponine enjoyed a project, especially if it involved Marius. She hoped that perhaps Enjolras, Grantaire and Gavroche would join them when they escaped, but if it ended up being just her and Marius, well, she wouldn't be especially upset about it. She indulged herself for a moment in feasting her eyes on Marius's full form. His back was taking on a mature rounded, pillowy shape while his head stayed appealingly small and deliberate. He was thinking, his ears pulled back.

“I think we should make our final drop once the people leave in their car,” he said. “At first I was thinking we'd leave at night, but sometimes they let the dogs out on the porch then. They'll bark if they hear anything suspicious. 

Eponine nodded her approval and gave Marius a slight smile before parting her lips and getting to work on the hole. The wood was pine, just hard enough to feel so good against her teeth. Marius's watched her chew for a moment, noticing for the fist time how the fur under her chin was getting fluffy. But before he could figure out how he felt about this, his attention shifted to the boys as a loud clatter rang out near the cage door.

“You jerk!” said Enjolras from in front of the water dish, his head and chest dripping with water. Granaire, who had jumped away to avoid Enjolras's wrath, was nearly breathless with laughter. “I nearly choked! I hate you!” Enjolras stormed away, wiping his wet face with his paws. Grantaire returned to the dish and took several long slow sips, a smile still hovering at the corners of his mouth.

Then they heard the car start and little Javert came tumbling over, Gavroche pressed to her chest.

“Back in you go!” she sang merrily. “See you after school, you little cutie, you adorable little bunny with your little dangling ear!” Two firm kisses and Gavroche was thrown back in the cage and the door slammed shut.

As she turned and skipped back to the car, Gavroche hopped excitedly over to the others.

“Big news!” he said breathlessly. “The new rabbits arrive tomorrow! A big male stud and one child! I guess the farmer only wanted the stud to use as a breeder, but then little Javert talked him into a baby too! She needs a new victim, I guess. I'm getting too big to be that cute to her anymore!” Gavroche puffed out his chest proudly with this news, not too displeased, but then sank a bit as he admitted, “Today she made me wear a bonnet.”

The other rabbits laughed heartily. Gavroche's eyes narrowed and took on a bit of shine as he fired his last bit of news.

“Oh! I nearly forgot! Tonight our little Javert is having herself a little slumber party! With four other sweet, charming, angelic little girls coming over!”


	3. In which the rabbits are well-dressed but hear some startling news

The hutches were buzzing with conversation early that evening. Eponine was detailing her escape plan to the others. Marius was alternately chewing on the hole between the hutches and throwing out some supportive words about the plan. Enjolras was busily expressing his worries (“What if someone drops out and breaks a rib? What if we get scared and run opposite directions and never find each other again? No, no, I think we should stay!”). Grantaire was mocking him with even more ridiculous scenarios (“What if someone pees himself in fright and ruins his fur? What if Enjolras squeals on his way down and we all laugh so loudly at him that a hawk hears us?”) Brave Gavroche thumped his feet in excitement and gave an occasional rallying cry, “Come on everybody, we can do this!”

Their excitement was interuppted by a gaggle of school girls descending on the hutches, their arms linked in girlish commraderie, a rude variation of their school song blasting from their lips.

“Let's all get a rabbit!” little Javert declared. She flung open the doors to the hutches and began tossing rabbits to each of her chums in turn.

Only one rabbit screamed in fright and then proceeded to wet himself. Poor Enjolras! Grantaire doubled over laughing at his friend's distress, but was then promptly chucked through the air into the grubby hands of a seven year old who was loudly smacking on her gum. He gulped and just hoped for the best.

About half an hour later the rabbits found themselves lined up on little Javert's bed, each wearing a spectacular outfit, a pile of naked dolls on the floor beneath them.

“At least I'm wearing a cape! I think it's a Wonder Woman one! They know who they're dealing with!” Eponine bragged, strutting past the others, a silver crown held up by her ears.

“I don't look half bad in blue!” said Marius, looking back at the silk vest hanging low around his sides.

Gavroche was back in the lace bonnet from that morning, and a large diaper was tied on his bottom half for good measure. A bottle was laid at his side, ready to be forced into his mouth at a moment's notice.

Enjolras was not entirely pleased with his lace nightgown, but he was absolutely delighted to find Grantaire stuffed inside a teal sequined gown beside him! The gown featured a black velvet bodice that highlighted Grantaire's large girth. Coupled with the puff sleeves and lace collar, Grantaire looked as though he sprang from the pages of a Victorian era romance! Enjolras found himself staring at Grantaire for most of the evening. He had never noticed Grantaire's fine figure before, so plump and vivacious in just the right places. 

Grantaire, for once, was silent for most of the evening. He noticed Enjolras looking at him at one point and, feeling slightly embarrassed, offered just the smallest crook of a smile. This caused Enjolras to break into a wide grin and Grantaire felt a rushing sensation pass down the length of his furry body, right down to his cotton tail. He was almost relieved when one of the girls stood him upright on two legs and made him walk across the length of the quilt as though he were a person.

Soon the farmer's voice bellowed from another part of the house. “The pizza's here! Go put those rabbits away!”

“Oh, daddy, you go put them out! We don't want to go outside now!” whined young Javert.

“Fine,” said the farmer, with irritation. “They won't be here much longer anyway! Stupid meat rabbits never made us any money. They're only good for one thing—the freezer! Once the lops are here we'll be breeding them and selling them at the fair! They'll bring in some good money! Oh, girls! Get those ridiculous outfits off of those rabbits!”

The outfits were peeled abruptly off the rabbits, all of whom were now wide-eyed in alarm. Enjolras wet himself a second time, but this time Grantaire didn't laugh. 

Back in the hutch, the rabbits remained quiet. Enjolras curled up next to Grantaire. Grantaire tucked Enjolras's head under his soft chin. He felt the sudden need to protect his friend from the dangers of the world. He licked Enjolras's ears tenderly. 

The only sound was Eponine chewing wood, and then a little whoosh as she slid her body through the hole.


	4. In which coziness happens, and alarms are sounded

That night Enjolras and Grantaire found that there were an infinite number of positions they could get into while snuggling together. When they woke up as the first rays of sun crept over the barn roof, Enjolras found his head pressed into Grantaire's soft belly and he decided he liked this pose best of all. He was smiling slightly, his eyes still closed, when Gavroche began squeaking with delight.

“The farmer is coming! The farmer is coming!”

Usually young Javert fed them in the mornings. Unfortunately, she also took the time to press them all firmly with her chubby little hand, stroke them heavily down the length of their bodies, and call them by embarrassing nicknames like 'Chubby-kins,' 'Mr. Big Butt,' and 'Squirmy.' Then she usually singled out Gavroche, the poor little runt, for some extra special love. He had come close to breaking a rib several times. The rabbits habitually flinched when young Javert was around.

The farmer, on the other hand, never gave any of the rabbits any special attention, except to check whether they were boys or girls when separating them, or to clip their nails. This he did in a perfunctory manner without speaking. But best of all, he also took the time to clip several bunches of tall grass and dropped it into the hutches, thought it's true he often remarked, “You little turds eat too much feed anyway! We should just give you weeds. Plenty of 'em. And free.”

“And he's got weeds! Yaaaaay!” Gavroche squealed. “Oh,” his voice turned sober. “And...he also has a traveling cage.”

“It must be the new rabbits!” Eponine called out, jumping spryly off a sleepy, smiling Marius, with whom she had stayed the night, undetected by the others. 

“I'm going back to my side before the farmer notices me!” she exclaimed and then dove back through the hole, her small frame compressing just slightly on her way through. Marius smiled lazily and stretched. Then he nosed the water dish over to block the hole from the farmer's line of vision and laid back down in front of it, going promptly back to sleep.

The farmer opened the doors, placed the delicious weeds in the feed dishes, and refilled the water.

“Alright,” the farmer said. “You're getting some company. This big guy is getting a cage of his own. I don't want any fighting. He's gonna be a great breeder as soon as I find a French Lop female. Get in there, big guy.”

A large, lumpy, caramel and white splotched rabbit was then plunked down inside an empty cage on the other side of the girls' hutch. His ears hung low onto the floor, two inches of ear lying flat on the mesh wire, even with his head was raised and his chest puffed proudly out. 

“And this poor pathetic thing,” the farmer continued, holding up a petite cream colored lop with ears much longer than her body. “I don't know why my kid needed another pet rabbit. It's bad enough she wants to keep that poor deformed runt when I go to kill the rest of you. Alright, what are you anyway?” He held the bunny up and peered at the area between her back legs. “You're a girl. Probably good since my kid already said she's naming you Cosette. Fine then. In you go!” and with that the small lop was tossed into Eponine's cage.

Marius opened an eye when the cage door banged shut. His gaze fell upon the new addition to the girls' cage, her startled face, her demure eyes, her soft back. He stood up abruptly, interested and concerned. Eponine eyed him suspiciously from the side.

Grantaire shrugged and turned back to Enjolras, who was already pulling him back into a warm, furry embrace. 

But before there could be any more snuggling between the two boys, a wise, old voice emerged from the far cage. “My name is Jean Valjean,” said the large French Lop. “And I come with a warning. The farmer plans to kill you all this afternoon and put you in his freezer! I heard him talking about it this morning with my previous owner. You must save yourselves now. Unless you want to be be simmering in a crock pot one day with tomatoes and cream!”

This certainly broke the romantic mood that had wafted into the hutch community overnight.  
Brave Eponine spoke first.

“I have a plan!”


	5. In which, though easily distracted by their own young rabbit hormones, our heroes attempt escape!

Eponine slipped back through the opening between the cages and the other rabbits gathered around.

“If we all take turns, and if we all chew our hardest and our best, we can cut a new opening in this side of the hutch by this afternoon! Then, the sturdiest of us will drop through the opening first! That rabbit should then quickly move some hay directly underneath the hole to soften the landing for the rest of us. Who is the toughest rabbit among us?”

All the pairs of red eyes turned to Grantaire who, while primarily known for his hilarious pranks, also boasted a sturdy torso.

“Grantaire! Get off of Enjolras!” reprimanded Eponine. “There will be plenty of time for that once we're safely out of here!”

Grantaire strutted over, leaving the fluffy Enjolras with a smile on his face, proud to be trusted with this.

“Okay, I'll drop down first,” he agreed, giving Enjolras a grin.

Gavroche, always eager to prove his bravery, chewed first, attacking the wood like a fluffy white beaver. 

His small mishappen jawline wore him out quickly, though, and Marius was pressed into action next. Eponine watched his strong hump rise and fall as he really put his back into it. Her heart thrilled watching his plump shape. 

Suddenly, the prickling tone of a young girl singing trickled down the path and began getting louder.

“It's Javert!” Gavroche cried.

There was no time for Eponine to return to her cage, so she dove under Marius's puffy fur and the other rabbits piled in front of them, blocking the new hole from view. They quickly took on the look of a bunch of rabbits sleeping in a comfortable heap, Enjolras and Grantaire pressed together happily. 

The door to the girls' cage swung open with a bang. Cosette, not familiar with the goings on of the farm, jumped in fright.

“Ohhhhhh, Cosettie Pooh!” squealed young Javert, seizing Cosette's cream colored body and dragging her out of the cage. “Cosettie Pooh, you are going to look just ADORABLE in a wedding dress! And, YES!!! You will fit into some shoes too! Ohhhh, Cosettie Spaghetti, you can wear GLASS SLIPPERS!”

Javert skipped away with a terrified Cosette pressed to her chest. 

Everyone laughed as Gavroche hopped around in a circle with delight. “I'm free!” he cheered. “Javert has a new victim now!”

Enjolras and Grantaire jumped on top of each other at once, wanting to fully experience the joy of the moment, but the sober voice of Jean Valjean cut their gleeful mood short.

“I forgot to mention,” his low voice intoned, “that I saw two boxes of freezer paper in the farmer's truck. And a sharpened knife! You seem like nice kids. I've lived a long life and seen lots of rabbits meet their maker. I don't want that to happen to you.”

This got the rabbits to working hard again! 

Eponine took a turn next. She had worked so hard on the previous opening that her jaws were strong, his grasp accurate. Marius gazed at her body as it took on a pounding rhythm. He admired her hard work, her foresight, her dedication to their litter. She'd make a good leader, he admitted. And he would make a good helpmeet. As she broke away from the opening, covered in sawdust and panting, he called her over to his side. She came to him eagerly. 

Soon the opening was finished and the rabbits gathered around it, their jaws tired, their hearts pounding, their hormones rushing.

Grantaire, wanting to prove himself to Enjolras, gave a loud masculine roar as he fell through the hole, followed by an unexpected squeak as he landed. “Poor Enjolras!” he thought. “All those times I pushed him out of the cage at this height!”

The thought of Enjolras having to jump next got Grantaire moving fast. He began pulling tufts of hay from the side of the barn to the place where he had landed. 

Enjolras hid in the back of the cage. He loved Grantaire, he wanted more of Grantaire, he wanted to spend his days rolling in the thick forest with Grantaire. But he was nervous. He didn't like the sensation of falling.

Eponine went next, giving a warrior's cry.

Marius followed her, grunting and landing a little awkwardly, but Eponine still beamed at him.

Gavroche managed to do a flip on his way down, his crooked smile never disappearing for a moment.

Everyone waited for Enjolras.

After much cajoling, his small white head appeared in the opening.

“Give me another minute,” he stuttered nervously. “One more lap around the cage to get me ready!”

Grantaire became nervous. What if his friend couldn't do it after all? Should he have stayed up in the cage and just pushed him out, like old times?

“C'mon, my prince!” he said enticingly. “I'll have something for you! Something warm and fuzzy! Something extra cuddly!”

Enjolras hesitated.

But then came the sing-song voice of a little girl, a little girl up to no good.

“Cosette is ready for the wedding! Let me get the groom! And the cute little butler! And who's going to be the preacher with the nice black TIE AROUND YOUR NECK???!!!!!”

At that moment Enjolras closed his eyes and leaned into the hole. And fell through. And while he peed mightily on his way down, he managed to land on the soft back of his lover, who kissed his quivering little harelip.

“Alright,” Eponine commanded. “Let's get out of here!”

The rabbits disappeared into the forest, without time to even wave at Jean Valjean, who bravely allowed Javert to take his massive body into her arms. Valjean didn't even protest when he was forced into a tutu and made to be the flower girl at Cosette's wedding. He was looking forward to when his female breeder arrived on the farm. Wise Valjean knew from his vast experience that it was something to look forward to.


End file.
